Offended!

Lately I’ve been part of a few courageous conversations.  For an introvert like me, being on either end of one of those difficult conversations is uncomfortable at best.  When I know an important “talk” is coming, I’d rather play possum under the covers.  It’s passive aggressive -  I know.  I’ve already learned the lesson that passive aggression hurts everyone around me.  I’m working on it – thus the courageous conversations.

On both ends of an effective courageous conversation, I have to formulate and edit my responses, trying to share my feelings without offending others.  Just in case you’ve never met me – I can be offensive.  * Sigh * I hope this is a surprise to someone.  Words are my superpower , but also my kryptonite. 

I believe that honest conversations are necessary between people who love each other.  Sure, there are some people to whom I recite “Hihowareyoui’mfine," each day without thinking or feeling – that’s me being polite, and maybe even a little fake.  But I treasure my close friendships.  To the people who I text and talk to every day, I want to be brave enough to share my problems with you and get real feedback. 

That’s what my mind says. It’s what I know that I need (NEED: healthy food vs. WANT:  French fries), but how can I be prepared to really hear criticism? I don’t want to hear criticism.  I’d much rather ignore it.  I’m thin-skinned.  As a kid (and sometimes as an adult), I had my feeling hurt easily and often.  In my head, there are times when I feel like everyone is out to get me.  Yesterday, even my Bible app offended me-  

“ In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves.”                      Hebrews 12:11 Message

My pity party was foiled again by the verse of the day on You Version!  I love it when you speak to me, but then you had to go and offer criticism.  Not just a little criticism, you had to pull out the Jesus card.  OUCH!   

I get it, according to that standard, no one on earth should be complaining about their suffering.  But I’m not 100% God. I’m 100% human and criticism at its best (the truth shared gently with love) hurts my feelings.  So here’s what I’m trying to do.  Feel the hurt. Then wait.  Wait for the pain to pass, and then address the criticism. 

Some of you are thinking, YES – finally she’s advocating revenge!  Nope.  No revenge needed.  I’m saying that you should address the criticism as a way to improve yourself – not the other person. 

When I think back to the hurts of my school years I realize that some of that criticism was valid, and some of it wasn’t about me.  That’s the beauty of wait time.  Time allows you to sort through the emotions, and determine if there is a grain of truth in that criticism that needs to be sorted out. (Time also allows you to just blow off comments that are just plain mean.) Hopefully you don’t have to wait 25 years to work on areas in your life that need work. But time and distance does lesson the emotional hurt of painful criticism.  

I know that there are areas in my life that could use some improvement.  There was a time when I just accepted those areas as weaknesses and moved on.  I kept doing the things that I did well with the hopes of being an expert in something. That logic does not produce a well-rounded person.  Even though God may grant us talent in one area, he also gives us bodies and minds that are whole.  Even though I’m good with my hands, he gave me two feet.  He gave me (basic) math skills, even though I love language. 

God multiplies our talents when we use them efficiently.  Yes, he can help us get better and better at just one thing.  He can also give us new and exciting talents to discover, if we are open to trying new things.  If we are open to failure and criticism, we can live complete, happy lives with talent oozing out of every appendage.  I don’t have to be just a good mother, or just a good speech-language pathologist. With God’s support, some action on my part, and maybe a tiny bit a criticism, I can also be a unique writer, a remarkable artist, an exhilarated skier, a melodious singer, a jubilant dancer… who knows?  The possibilities are endless.  Life is more than growing in a straight line; it’s flourishing, and living wholly in the fullness of God’s grace.