Heaven is for Real - Movie Review

I’m not a big fan of Christian movies.  After seeing Kirk Cameron in one of the Left Behind movies, I didn’t want to waste another cent or another hour watching these poorly made, judgmental or ooey gooey syrupy sweet tales.  But today was a rainy Easter Sunday and my kids were sad that our church picnic/egg hunt was cancelled, so I took them to see Heaven is for Real. 

I wasn’t expecting much but my kids are at an age when they are constantly asking questions about the Bible and our faith.  So, I thought it would have some interesting talking points to encourage dialogue in our home. 

I was surprised that I liked it. It's not a fun Disney flick or an Oscar contender.  It’s a tearjerker, if anyone you’ve ever loved has died.  The surprise was that the movie was just as much about the idea of doubt as it was about the existence of heaven.  Greg Kinnear (whom I’ve loved ever since his performance in As Good as It Gets) gives a stellar performance of an affable family man, who also happens to be a pastor.  I loved his sensitive and tender performance.  He’s a busy dad, who loves his family, but is also struggling financially, emotional, and physically.  When his son needs an emergency surgery for a burst appendix, he gets angry with God, and there begins his journey with doubt. 

If you know a pastor, you know a pastor who has wrestled with doubt. Let me tell you, as a pastor's wife, this movie shows many real life moments from the life of a pastor’s family.   It’s a real life moment when their kids sing, “We will rock you” right after they sang “This little light of mine” in the car.  It’s an uncomfortably real moment when Pastor Burpo has nothing to say from the pulpit on Sunday morning. It’s frustratingly real that this pastor is holding three part-time jobs and he’s still struggling financially.  And it’s an intimidating real life moment, when his church considers firing him, because he speaks honestly about his doubt. 

The one thing that wasn’t very real in this movie was the portrayal of Todd Burpo’s wife.  I don’t know her real life story, but in the movie, she was a stay at home mom, who always stood by her man. She had a terrible singing voice, yet led the choir/praise team. If this is true, it’s just sad.  I think they were trying to make her endearing, because I just wanted to put my hands over my ears. She didn't have any other other talents to share?  She had little to say about their finances, her son’s talk about heaven or her husband’s doubt.  I don’t know many women who would be that uninterested or unwilling to speak their thoughts about life and death in their own homes.  Maybe that’s because I’ve always been an urban pastor’s wife, or a pastor’s wife with a big mouth?  But I have to wonder: It is already hard for Christians to deal with the fact that their leaders wrestle with doubt…  Can Christians deal with a real portrayal of a pastor’s wife?

I think it’s fairly obvious if you read the papers that pastors have a high burnout rate.  Roy Oswald of the Alban Institute, in Washington D.C., says stress and burnout among clergy wives is as high as for pastors. In fact, pastor’s wives are often more stressed, because their husbands struggle with work/life balance.  And guess who is left to pick up the pieces. 

A study from the FASICLD (Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development) in 1998 reported that 77% of the pastors we surveyed felt they did not have a good marriage. Lack of communication and finances are two of the top reasons couples get divorced.  So it would be fair to say, if one spouse is struggling with financial pressure and religious doubt (while also being super busy dealing with the problems of others), there is going to be some marital strife. 

Yet in the movie, after Ms. Burpo tells her husband that they are $40,000 in debt, he barely responds.  She smiles and says they’ll be ok.  No crying and screaming?  Come on.  After Todd Burpo goes to a stressful church meeting where the board tells him that they are going to look for a new pastor, he doesn’t tell her about the meeting at all – until she asks later the next morning.  Really?  Is that a healthy marriage based on good communication? 

However, in the movie, the Burgos are seen displaying a lot of physical affection (snuggling and kissing enough to make my kids squirm).  I assume this is because as everyone knows in the movies, even Christian movies, sex solves everything.  I was a little disturbed.  Towards the end of the movie, it is apparent that Ms. Burpo doesn’t share in any the questioning or reasoning that helps Todd decide what to do with his doubt.  Instead, he is shown working out his ideas on an old typewriter downstairs.  And all by himself, not through prayer or reading the Bible, he decides that he believes his son’s story.  Thanks to the existence of heaven he says, “We don’t ever have to be afraid.” Sweet.  
Well - well maybe we do have to be afraid of mischaracterizing pastor's wives as stepford wives.    

 

Anyway, besides my feminist rant, the movie did meet my standards for Christian movies (which is a lower artistic standard - sad but true).  If your kids are asking lots of questions about death and heaven, I would still encourage you to see it as a family.  My 9 year old had lots to say afterwards: “I believe it’s true, mom.  In the Bible, God speaks to lots of people.”  I like hearing things like that out of the mouths of my kids.  Even though my own beliefs about life after death do not match the views presented in the movie, I believe that I could be wrong.  And that’s ok.  God works in mysterious ways, and I like a good mystery. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 NLT

Speak Life

Each encounter with Jesus changes our life. – Pope Francis

I saw this on Twitter this week.  I’m a little embarrassed that Pope Francis was on Twitter before I was – but he’s got an entourage, I’m sure.  Although wouldn’t it be pretty cool to see him on his iPhone sending out his latest tweet?

In the last few years, I’ve been really working on figuring out how God speaks to me.  I’ve tried long prayers on my knees, listening for the still, small voice. I’ve tried opening the Bible to a random page and letting the words to the talking. I’ve gone to small groups and listened to sermons. I’ve read books and blogs, and talked to my Christian friends and mentors.  God has spoken to me through all of these mediums. These days He also speaks to me through Twitter, Facebook and the radio. 

Last weekend he spoke to me through complete strangers.  I went to a Christian writers conference in Seattle.  I wasn’t looking for a book contract – I was just exploring.  (Really hoping I could find a way to make a few bucks writing.)  My career/calling has been such a whirlwind of emotions while living here in Canada.  I’m still playing the waiting game with immigration, but I know that through this experience God is trying to tell me something. 

So I went to this conference, all by myself.  I was ready to listen.  And God spoke to me.

In the hallways, sharing information about websites, publishers, and agents,

At lunch, while talking to other Christians about their journeys,

And through the speakers, who shared how writing, editing and publishing is their ministry.

When I walked into this building full of strangers, I was anxious.  I wasn't sure who to sit with or who to talk to.  I thought I’d have little in common with them. My mind raced. They’re “west coast.” They didn’t look like me, worship like me, and I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting them over to watch Scandal on Thursday night.

But God used them to speak to me.  And I was surprised.  They ministered to me in a way that I have never felt before.  It was a case of the right people +  in the right place + at the right time.  Coincidence – NO. Nothing is a coincidence when you are praying about it. 

On the long drive home, I thought “Wow – what can I do to bring this feeling to everyone who attends our church?  Better yet, how can I bring this feeling to everyone I come in contact with every day?”   

I live my life, as many of you live yours, living from vacation to vacation– riding one high to another.  What if we could make that high (the special feeling when you know that you are loved by others and blessed by GOD), last every day, all day?  Is that possible? How can I feel a blessed by God high while taking out the trash/doing the dishes/cleaning the bathroom?

Should I whisper a prayer or verse all day long to remind me that I want to be one with Jesus?  I’m usually not a whisper kind of person – I’m an introvert on the outside but in my mind (and alone in my car) I’m loud.  Tobymac loud. 

And then I got it – at his last concert in Abbotsford, Toby (yeah, we're cool like that) shared his story of writing one of his songs, Speak Life.  It was inspired from a quote from Brennan Manning’s book “Abba’s Child. ” The Toby paraphrase goes like this:   “Anyone that we come in contact with, we offer them life or we drain them.”   

This weekend I was lifted up by my experiences and interactions with the people of the Northwest Christian Writers Conference.  As I celebrate God’s gift to us this Easter, I want to pass that gift of life along to someone who needs it. I want to everyone to know and see that I’ve met Jesus.

Do I look fat?

 

Do I look fat?  

 This is the question that everyone hates to answer, because there’s only one correct answer -.  “You look beautiful.”  When I mentioned this is Kumar, he said, “You think I should lie?”   

No – I’m against lying, but I want you to resist the lies that the media (TV, movies, fashion magazines, etc..) have  been feeding you (and me) our whole life and answer in a way that honors the wife, mom, or friend who has asked you the question.  Look deep to see their love or others, kindness to strangers, achievements (big and little) and help them to value the important things instead of what they see in the mirror.   

God doesn’t see your chubby thighs, muffin top, or bad-hair day.  He looks into you and really sees you.  Don’t you wish that everyone saw you as he does?  One day we will all look like supermodels, or actually better than supermodels – in heaven. Philippians 3:21 says, “  He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.”  Until then, the only way to teach our minds to be satisfied with our bodies here on earth is to share God’s love and acceptance with those around us.  To those around me  - especially my close friends who I love, admire, and respect:  If you ask me “Do I look fat?” I’m going to tell you the truth – “You look beautiful.” 

Your Pastor is Not.. - An Old Favorite

Your pastor is a person who is trained to provide spiritual guidance over a congregation of people.  This person usually has skills in preaching, teaching, Bible interpretation and leadership.  They usually need interpersonal skills, counseling skills, musical talent, and media savvy and financial competence.  Occasionally they have skills in other areas as well.  Because they often try to be EVERYTHING to the people of their congregations, church members often get confused and think that their pastors hold other jobs for their congregations.  I just want to clear things up.  Your pastor is not your taxi driver, your personal ATM, your plumber or your mother.  I understand, there are some gray areas…so I’ve made a little list to help you decide whom to call in the following emergencies….

When you want to learn more about the Bible……………………… call/email YOUR PASTOR

When you want to make a donation to a good charity……………… call/email YOUR PASTOR

When you want premarital counseling………………………………call /email YOUR PASTOR

When you want to volunteer to start a new ministry…………………call/email YOUR PASTOR

When the music is too loud at church…………………………………call/email the music leader

When you haven’t received your end of the year giving statement…call/email the church treasurer

When you want to reserve the church fellowship hall……………… call/email the church secretary

When your child heard an inappropriate word in their Bible class….call/email the kids Bible teacher

When your child gets an F on her math test…………………………call/email their teacher

When your dishwasher breaks……………………………………………….call a plumber

When you are having chest pains…………………………………………………..call 911

When you need a ride to the airport……………………………call a friend or Super Shuttle

When you are planning your child’s 1^st birthday party and need someone to dress up as ELMO…………           CALL YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!!!

I know at most contemporary (ie. Rocknroll) churches these days, the pastors seem pretty cool.  But you have to remember, that this is their job.  No matter how friendly or kind your pastor is, your pastor is not your best friend.  This may be a shock to some of you.  But it’s really hard for pastors to be good friends with their parishioners and still maintain the role as spiritual leader/mentor in their lives.

I don’t want to make it seem like pastors don’t ever want to hear from you.  By all means, ask them to pray for your MCAT exams, invite them to your children’s birthday parties, bug them about the powerpoint/heat/length of their sermons, but do it during church/business hours.  Problems with work/life balance are the biggest predictor of ministerial burnout.  If you really love your pastor in his/her role, love him/her as a person and a friend too… and respect those boundaries or be willing to take no for an answer. 

Who's Your Pastor? - Old Favorite

Everybody needs a pastor.  A pastor is probably not someone you sit and listen to every week at church or  on TV, but  a real "spiritual overseer", someone you know and who knows you, someone to pray with and cry with and to be accountable to.  In most cases, this is not the minister at your church.

This may be your best friend, if your best friend is not just the person you eat, shop, and gossip with (not that there is not a time and place for that); but ONLY if you talk with your best friend about the little things in your life.  By little things, I mean the big things.  The things that you secretly worry about  at night (Worries like "Is that spot on my back cancer", "Does my kid have a learning disability?" or "Should marriage be this hard?").

If you are a Christian, this person should be able to talk you down from those emotional cliffs in a sensible and Biblical way.  I have a pastor, maybe a few pastors in my life, and none of them are my husband and none of them work in a church. Don't get me wrong.  I love listening to the sermons at my church. I often find great spiritual truths in them that I can apply to my life, but those are not the people I share my real spiritual life with.  In fact, I've always hated "pastoral visits" where you pretend to tell your pastor your problems so they can pray with you.  I can't really share my spiritual journey with someone I barely know in a 1 hour lunch meeting.

The deepest, most memorable, spiritual conversations I've had with my "pastors" has been sitting by the hot tub debating whether God has ONE plan for my life or if there is more than one RIGHT path.  Some of the most heart wrenching sermons have taken place on the couch at the vacation condo, spilling my heart to my "pastors." The real convictions come out when my "pastor" is calling me out about something over a cup of coffee.   I don't always know the right answers afterwards, but I know that someone who knows God and knows me, knows my heart.  And they will follow up on our conversation, supporting and loving me all the way.  That's a pastor.

As a pastor's wife, I keep hearing about the stress in many pastor's lives, and I sincerely think it's because they often  don't have their own pastor.  Someone has to be the pastor's pastor.  Who can it be? It usually can't be a church member, because if you knew the humanity of your pastor, it might be hard to still put them on that pastoral pedestal (which they shouldn't be on anyway).  A pastor may have another pastor as their pastor.  That sometimes works well, because they understand the calling and the person.  A pastor may have a best friend from childhood as their pastor.  That person  knew them  before they had a "title."  We are more than our titles.  We are people and we are pastors.  And I believe EVERYBODY needs a pastor.