Sharing and Oversharing

I don’t want to be known as the lady on antidepressants, just like you don’t want to be known as the woman who had an affair, or the woman who watched her mom die.

When I first shared with a friend that I needed to take a happy pill, I had heart palpitations.  I just didn’t want her to see me as broken and judge me as “depressed girl” every time I stressed out.  It’s taken years, but I’ve now shared my struggle with depression with friends, co-workers, two of my kids, and the internet (Uh-oh) because most times its been honestly appropriate and I want to release that stigma that people with mental illness are failing at life.  Some of my friends have not been surprised, but some have been shocked that “happy, party planner, social butterfly Rej” struggles with depression regularly.  Yes, the day that was bad enough for me to seek help changed my life profoundly, but I am more than my worst day.

I got through that worst day (or worst season, since that day affected my week, month, year and life, if I think about it) – and now I have to balance hiding that dark spot in my lives with sharing it so other people can see that it's not the end of their world.  

There is a time and place for both - Sharing our hurts stop the cycle of “My life is awesome” that pervades not just social media, but many tangible places, including church.   There have been many times, I’ve sat in my car and thought, “Look at that family- they have it all, money, a big, clean house, the latest minivan, two beautiful honor roll kids – why am I always struggling? “ There have also been moments in my life, when I have the money, a clean house, the latest minivan, and kids on the honor roll.  Sometimes in those moments, I think, “Yes- I have it all” and other times, I still haven’t been happy.  I’ve lived long enough to know there is always some dark cloud lurking in the corner, some wave that threatens to bring life and all its trouble crashing down.  It’s life – its brutiful  for everyone. 

 We are all struggling.  Sometimes I over share my struggles.  Sometimes I hold back, not because I’m trying to hide, but sometimes I just want your opinion on the dress I’m planning on wearing to the event on Sunday.  It’s a fine line that I’m constantly balancing and sometimes falling.  But I’m working on it.