Pastors Wives 101

***Warning **** This is a snarky post. If you can't take a joke, or do not understand sarcasm, please do not read my blog.  It will only make both of us unhappy.   

Kumar and I have been married for 15 years this November, and although we haven’t moved around excessively, I’ve gotten pretty good at judging up the many pastoral couples that I meet.  I know judging people is wrong, but if you don’t size up who you are talking to, especially in the world of Christianity, you are likely to offend or be offended pretty quickly.  For you newbies for pastoral ministry, or just laypeople who like watching us in our front row pew, here’s my take on the different types of pastor’s wives in North America:

The Clueless pastor’s wife – She’s happy go lucky, doing whatever her heart desires.  She didn’t think twice about marrying a pastor, because she was never aware of people’s judging eyes on her too short skirt or nasty remarks about her husband’s sermon.  She may not know and definitely doesn’t care about people’s expectations.  She doesn’t know about women’s retreat, or hasn’t the first clue on how to teach children’s Sabbath school and didn’t think twice about bringing fried chicken for potluck. 

The Angry pastor’s wife – She grew up in the age of women’s liberation but found herself stuck at home with the kids while her husband accepts call after call to a new position.  She has too many degrees to enjoy the time off, driving to church with her husband, putting up bulletin boards and going out for tea with church members.  She does it grudgingly.  She says she’s authentic, but she may just be rebellious.  It’s kind of obvious when she’s wearing a leather skinny jeans and a tattoo that says, “Wanna a piece of me?”  If she catches you making any comments about her, she will call you out.  Be afraid.

The Stepford pastor’s wife – She’s always perfect, unassuming, gentle and agreeable: “Yes, of course you can invite people over at the last minute.  You’ve been away all week and I’m tired from prayer meeting until midnight at our house last night, and I played the piano for first service and taught a lesson for the Sabbath school teacher who didn’t show up, but I’ll pull something out of the fridge and make it work.  Sabbath is for serving? “

The Mysterious pastor’s wife – She’s rarely seen, except for a few minutes each Sabbath.  She’s probably sleeping in and taking a separate car to make it for the last 20 minutes of her hubby’s sermon.  Sometimes she hides in the pastor’s office, so she doesn’t have to make awkward conversations with church members who want to give her husband a message, banana bread or a new book on the antichrist. 

This pastor’s wife may be away for weeks on end, taking care of an even more mysterious aging parent or frail child.  

The Enthusiastic pastor’s wife – This woman is not afraid of the microphone.  Most extroverted pastor’s wives share the pulpit with the pastor as a pastoral couple.  They preach in skirt suits or pant suits and high heels, strutting their stuff on stage and banging the fist on the podium.  If this pastor’s wife is in the pew during her husband’s sermon, she isn’t afraid to yell out an “Amen” or a correction to a personal story.  In fact, she might be mic-ed in her pew, and if the sermon is videotaped or live streamed, the camera is on her like Taylor Swift at the Grammies.  

Stop being offended and enjoy my sarcastic sense of humour.  We are all terrible and all wonderful….in our own ways. I love them all and so should you.