***Warning **** This is a snarky post. If you can't take a joke, or do not understand sarcasm, please do not read my blog. It will only make both of us unhappy.
Kumar and I have been married for 15 years
this November, and although we haven’t moved around excessively, I’ve gotten
pretty good at judging up the many pastoral couples that I meet. I know judging people is wrong, but if you don’t
size up who you are talking to, especially in the world of Christianity, you
are likely to offend or be offended pretty quickly. For you newbies for pastoral ministry, or
just laypeople who like watching us in our front row pew, here’s my take on the
different types of pastor’s wives in North America:
The Clueless pastor’s wife – She’s happy go
lucky, doing whatever her heart desires.
She didn’t think twice about marrying a pastor, because she was never
aware of people’s judging eyes on her too short skirt or nasty remarks about
her husband’s sermon. She may not know
and definitely doesn’t care about people’s expectations. She doesn’t know about women’s retreat, or
hasn’t the first clue on how to teach children’s Sabbath school and didn’t
think twice about bringing fried chicken for potluck.
The Angry pastor’s wife – She grew up in
the age of women’s liberation but found herself stuck at home with the kids
while her husband accepts call after call to a new position. She has too many degrees to enjoy the time
off, driving to church with her husband, putting up bulletin boards and going
out for tea with church members. She
does it grudgingly. She says she’s
authentic, but she may just be rebellious.
It’s kind of obvious when she’s wearing a leather skinny jeans and a
tattoo that says, “Wanna a piece of me?”
If she catches you making any comments about her, she will call you
out. Be afraid.
The Stepford pastor’s wife – She’s always
perfect, unassuming, gentle and agreeable: “Yes, of course you can invite
people over at the last minute. You’ve
been away all week and I’m tired from prayer meeting until midnight at our
house last night, and I played the piano for first service and taught a lesson
for the Sabbath school teacher who didn’t show up, but I’ll pull something out
of the fridge and make it work. Sabbath
is for serving? “
The Mysterious pastor’s wife – She’s rarely
seen, except for a few minutes each Sabbath.
She’s probably sleeping in and taking a separate car to make it for the
last 20 minutes of her hubby’s sermon.
Sometimes she hides in the pastor’s office, so she doesn’t have to make
awkward conversations with church members who want to give her husband a
message, banana bread or a new book on the antichrist.
This pastor’s wife may be away for weeks on
end, taking care of an even more mysterious aging parent or frail child.
The Enthusiastic pastor’s wife – This woman is
not afraid of the microphone. Most
extroverted pastor’s wives share the pulpit with the pastor as a pastoral
couple. They preach in skirt suits or
pant suits and high heels, strutting their stuff on stage and banging the fist
on the podium. If this pastor’s wife is
in the pew during her husband’s sermon, she isn’t afraid to yell out an “Amen”
or a correction to a personal story. In
fact, she might be mic-ed in her pew, and if the sermon is videotaped or live
streamed, the camera is on her like Taylor Swift at the Grammies.
Stop being offended and enjoy my sarcastic
sense of humour. We are all terrible and
all wonderful….in our own ways. I love them all and so should you.
