I
know that men like to be known by their “manhood” but really, men, – is it ok
that the majority of the world thinks that you can’t control yourself, because
your libido controls you?
There is a story about slut shaming that
is making its rounds on the Today Show and Facebook right now, and as someone
who had to line up in the hallway of my Christian school for teachers to
“check” my skirt, I’m a little distressed that Christians often support these
actions. Maybe it’s not just Christians,
but many fundamental religious people believe that men and boys can’t control
themselves when women are around. We need
to help them (and protect ourselves) by wearing long sleeves, long skirts… oh why
not just throw a burqa on our heads and solve the whole problem of sexual
violence against women, right?
If
only it were that simple. If only covering every inch of skin would prevent the
sin of lust and selfishness. Covering up
is not the answer to the worldwide problem of sexual violence against
women. In fact, sexual violence against
women is even more prevalent in countries that promote the idea that men need
to be shielded from women. In these
countries, women are blamed for the violence because their dress, words, or
mere attitude coerces men to do bad, bad things. Most of us in democratic
societies do not support this type of violence, so why do we, especially
conservative people of faith, continue to place blame on women for the things
that happen to them? This needs to stop.
Instead of shaming girls for their bodies, why not teach
boys that girls are not sexual objects? Why not encourage men to control their
desires, be responsible for their own behavior, and recognize that their
“sexual weaknesses” can violate the freedom of others and hurt their own
physical, mental, and spiritual well-being?
Unfortunately,
the blame game started in the Garden of Eden. When Adam was caught in the first
sin, he said, “the woman made me do it.” And God let him off the hook –
right? No, God cursed man and woman and
the serpent too – because they were all culpable. Each person is responsible for his/her part
in sin. God is not like human judges and
jurors, saying, “She was wearing spaghetti straps and dancing suggestively. She
deserved to be raped.” God judges each
person himself, and he judges the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). The heart of violence
against others, even sexual violence, is often rooted in selfishness – putting
our own needs above the needs and will of those around us.
We
can all control our urge to sin. Men can
control their bodies, if that’s the area that they struggle with, just like I
can control my urge to shop or nag. God
works with me in those areas. He meets me where I am, and encourages me when I
make even a little growth. Through the careful
discipline of targeting a sinful area (greed or a volcano mouth) I learn and I
grow, little by little, day by day, and eventually those urges are easier to
resist. When I replace a bad habit with
a good one (appreciating what I have instead of constantly shopping for new
things), I feel proud. I’m happy that I’ve
conquered a personal weakness, even though it was hard work and I never thought
I’d be able to do it. I pat myself on the back, and thank God granting for me
self-control in this area. And then I begin
to tackle another problem. (I am human after all – there’s always some area of
life to work on).
When
I was growing up (and even now in many schools and churches), Christian men and
women have directed blame and responsibility at women only. What’s worse, many women have accepted the
blame. By doing so, they prevent men
from growing in an area that is difficult to tame. Instead, we’ve made it
easier for them to keep ignoring the problem of lust in their lives and we’ve
deprived them of healthy relationships with women. “It can’t be done.” You say. God
says, “You can do all things through me” (Philippians 4:13).
If you are a real man of God can't you take that as a challenge? Sundress
and swimsuit season is upon us now guys; don’t blame us for your
wandering eyes. Outward beauty
can be easy to look at, and although it may give you a temporary feeling of strength, it is not long lasting or fulfilling.
Our minds and bodies were made for
God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another and with God. We are meant to connect with others through
love. That requires seeing others with
Jesus eyes and loving others with a self-less love. Let’s stop focusing about
the temptations around us. Temptation is/was always there – even in the garden,
pre-shame, when nudity was the norm.
Let’s keep our eyes on the love of God, who gives us self-control, even
in presence of his perfect creation.
