My calling

Satan is trying to get to me!  The week started with a trip to the ER (Wilo stuck a pompom up her nose).  I got a rotten letter from immigration Canada today (another missing page on my application and a change in fees since I sent in the application).  And 10 minutes ago, Jaelin called me from school saying that her whole class is having an allergic reaction to something in the classroom.  She's itchy and wants to come home.  I chalked it up as an "over-reaction" and told them to give her some Benadryl (we have a stash at school for Eli's bee sting issues).  Call back if things don't improve. Harsh? Maybe. But I'm not embracing the melodramatic today...
So instead of overreacting and going all "glassman" I'm not going to stress about the things I can't control.  Maybe God wants me to be a stay at home mom for a bit longer.  Maybe he's testing me. I sure hope he's not gonna go all JOB on me.  I can't handle that. Happy thoughts.....
When I was first completing my 57 pages of immigration paperwork to get a work permit here in Canada, I was in a bit of a tizzy.  "Why do I have to get physicals and x-rays and criminal checks to live 22 miles North from the US border. They should be happy to get me."  That attitude isn't doing me any good.  So instead I will not worry.  I'll just jump through every hoop that they give me and believe that God will work it out. 
In the last 6 months, I've been volunteering at the kids’ school and I realized how much I love being a Speech-Language Pathologist.  I'm even willing to do it for FREE!  But if I weren't an SLP, here's a list of other jobs that maybe I would like to have: 

1.  Artist - Before I married Kumar, I painted.  There's actually one painting that I did that's hanging on our wall right now.  Somehow in the busyness of life since, I haven't continued to paint.  Maybe if I had the time/space/money, I could do that every day and enjoy it.

2.  Florist - I love fresh flowers.  The colors, the smells, they are soooo beautiful.  This kind of goes with my love of art.  I love color and would love to make arrangements for weddings and other special occasions.  
3.  Chef - Top Chef is one of my favorite TV shows.  Cooking is fun when I don't have to do it 3x a day, every day, for picky eaters or a sometimes ungrateful family.  It's another art form - they complexity of ingredients and even the plating can be stunning.  But I don't think I could ever be a real chef, cause I'm not willing eat anything and everything. I have texture aversions to lamb and rare meat, religious objections to shellfish, and a palate that's burned to the bone by spicy food.  (I can't even taste things like rosemary). 
4.  Librarian - Ok, here's the nerd in me.  I love books - all books, fiction, non-fiction, children’s, and teens, even periodicals.  If I could just be around those books, helping people find books and leading book clubs and reading programs to kids, I'd be in heaven!  One of the first things I did when we moved to Canada was to get my library card.  It's home to me. 
5. Trainer - ha ha.  Who am I kidding? I don't want to work out all day; I just want abs like Dianne Taylor.  Whenever I need workout inspiration, I look at pictures of her life in Hawaii (doing handstands and laying on the beach in her bikini), and find the will to get moving!
6.  Docent in an art museum - I've already said that I love art.  Even more than painting itself, I love studying art - the technique, the stories behind the pictures, the historical significance... it's all so fascinating.  My favorite art museum in Maryland is the Walters Art Museum.  I've gone to some incredible lectures there, they have amazing family programs on the weekends and it’s free!
7.  Architect/Carpenter - There is something really beautiful about creating something beautiful out of nothing. One day I'd like to take some Home Depot classes and remodel a home myself.  Form+Function+Beauty
8.  Really the best job for me is SLP.  I can't think of anything more important to life than communication.  It makes me feel incredible to help children do that. Even though there are moments that I hate (lawsuits, behavior issues, bullies), I love the creativity, the schedule (school hours and summers off), and helping parents help their own kids grow in their ability to speak, listen and interact with others.  It is my calling from God. 

Live here forever?

I recently received the most amazing advice from a well traveled family that immigrated to Canada before we did.   “Live as though you are going to stay here forever - Stop planning to leave.“  What?!!!  What about our 5 year plan? Kumar and I have our Canadian drivers licenses, and I’ve sent it for my permanent residency papers, but maybe this well-meaning church member heard about our 1-year rental lease or he heard me say,  “The kids need to learn their states and capitals- how will they manage high school when we go back?” Or maybe he saw the large mirror in our bedroom that Kumar has been lazy about hanging, because “It’s not worth the effort - what if we move? “  Home is and may always be Maryland for me, but I need to try to love it here. 

I like familiarity, but I'm not a tied by the umbilical cord to my mommy, typical Indian kid.  This is not my first time away from my Maryland home – I went to grad school in California and then lived there for a few years while Kumar got his Masters degree.  This is the third time I've moved cross country.   Each time I left, I went apprehensively, and ended up leaving apprehensively.  My brother, who drove with me on one of those trips said, “You cry when you leave MD and you cry when you go back – get over it.” (I’m not sure if he said the “Get over it” part but I’m sure he was thinking it.)

 I hate change.  Even a vacation more than 2 weeks long, is uncomfortable to me.  I like my bed. The way I deal with it is to count the days until life can get back to normal (the way it used to be).  But you can’t go back to the past.  It’s over. 

Leaving Maryland last year with my children was by far the hardest move I’ve ever done.  The drama of leaving with all of the things that we accumulated, our possessions, our kids, essentially “our lives” was hard.  So the way that we dealt with it was by saying it is/was short term.  Hopefully after a certain number of years, one of us will get a job that will move us back East.  It’s still the plan in my heart, but I’m softening.  

I do believe that God lead us here – slowly, carefully, through circumstances and through the prayers and words of many people.  If I believe that, I have to live like I believe that Canada is where I belong and where I may stay.  God may move us again (hopefully back to the States) but until he does, we have to live fully in our new lives. When I hold myself back from this commitment, I give up on making close friends, and long term decisions about school, work, housing, everything.  Time pining for the past is time wasted.  This may be hard for my Maryland friends and family to read.  I love them dearly, but I don’t think our relationships have ended– they continue to grow every day that we communicated through phone calls, Facebook, viber and visits.   I loved my life in Maryland, and I’m starting to love life here.  (And it’s not even spring yet – if that’s not a testament to the power of God I don’t know what is).  

These new friends and experiences that we are making as a family are one day going to be the things that we remember fondly.  So we have to live it and enjoy it.  The life we chose makes us pare down our possessions regularly (We try not be be hoarders), but our collection of memories are vast.  God has been very generous to us. 

One day, I will get to live with all of my friends and family that I love and I will be able to see them and communicate with them regularly – its called Heaven.  If I really believe in the eternal future that God has in store for me, I have to be willing to trust Him with my life here on earth. 

High on God

I don’t think it’s any secret that I’m addicted to National Public Radio (NPR).  Now, I’ve had love affairs with NPR before.  Years ago, I endured 45 minute commutes to work, and NPR was my savior.  Those stories made the time go by. There were even moments when I sat in the car in the driveway just trying to finish a story.   Then I got a job 6 minutes from home, and I was just listening to those Storycorp shorts.  Still inspiring, but only a couple of minutes.  Nowadays, I don’t commute, but I need something to distract me while I’m on the treadmill.  NPR does this, while connecting me to the USA and I feel like I am working out my mind while working out my body. It works for me.

This afternoon I heard this incredible story.  Michel Martin, a journalist and host of Tell Me More, interviewed Antoinette Tuff in a story called, “How One Woman’s FaithStopped a School Shooting.”  Martin’s show focuses heavily on topics of race, religion, and spirituality, but she’s a journalist, a good one.  I listen to her show often but have never detected a bias for or against Christianity.  She just presents the facts and pushes people to answer difficult questions, the questions that most listeners (like me) are thinking. 

Back to the incredible story:  Antoinette Tuff is just a regular woman of Faith, who prevented a mass shooting at an elementary school last year by calming down the mentally ill gunman. Her story is very “purpose driven life-ish” and she even wrote a book, “Prepared for a Purpose.”  It sounds a little like that 2005 Atlanta hostage story, where Ashley Smith read parts Rick Warren’s book to her captor.   But there’s something more to Antoinette’s story.  She didn’t read Rick Warren, Billy Graham or even the Bible out loud to this crazy gunman.  Instead, GOD SPOKE DIRECTLY THROUGH HER.

This is what God had been preparing her for, and he used her incredibly that day.  Here’s what Antoinette has to say about it:  “I went back to listen to the 911 tape to see exactly what I was saying and how calm I was. And to be honest with you. I didn’t even recognize my own voice.  And so I knew at that moment that it was God that guided me through that day.”

How many of you have had moment like that?  I’ve had moments like that – incredible moments where I didn’t save any lives that I know of, but I know, in my heart that God spoke to someone through me.  Sometimes it was just a word or two; sometimes it was a whole conversation.  I supposed it’s what pastors’ feel after an especially amazing sermon.  I’m not a pastor, and I haven’t save any lives, but I am a Christian, and those moments are incredible TO ME. 

It’s a high, maybe like a runners’ high (which I’ve only recently experienced), less dangerous than a drug high (which I’ve only experienced in the hospital)

that I want to hold on to, and chase every day for the rest of my life.

 Isn’t that the purpose driven life? 

Christianity's Bad Rap

Yesterday at a school function, a friend grabbed me to introduce me to her cousin.  The interaction went something like this:

 “This is Rej, her husband’s the new pastor at Oakridge.” Cousin’s eyes widen in a  look of horror and friend says,

“ But they’re cool! They’re cool!” and pats her arm and mine. 

I could have been offended I guess, but I was laughing hysterically.  I get it. 

Christianity has a bad rap.  In the media, in many towns filled with Christian churches and maybe within your own circle of friends, Christians are shied away from and thought of as judgmental and abrasive.    In my own life, I have preconceived notions based on my own conservative Christian upbringing.   

My high school years were filled with stories like:

·      the Bible teacher who told me that the “NIV” stood for the “NEW INTERNATIONAL PERVERSION” – The only true translation was by King James. 

·      Only hymns were ordained by God and therefore we could not sing praise songs during chapel.... so could imagine how drums and dancing were viewed. 

·      Lining up in the hallway at my Christian school to make sure that our skirts hit the back of our knees – otherwise we were dressing too “suggestively”

·      Females could not run for class president in my high school, because women should not “rule” over men. 

Wow, my blood is boiling thinking about the drama in my life at 16.  No love, just rules.  In turn, I had my own fair share of abrasive, unchristian-like interactions:

·      When my neighbors asked me how to be an Seventh-Day Adventist, I told them, “The first thing you have to do is stop watching Saturday morning cartoons.”  They never asked me what the next thing was. 

·      I’ve had many debates and arguments against abortion, homosexuality, drinking, dancing, … whether or not those views were justified, they did not need be shared in debate. 

How did I lose the (sometimes fundamental) idea that I had the truth?  How did I let go of my Christian baggage?  Clearly, it was a process.  It wasn’t purposeful on my part, but God guided me through the last 20 years with just the right friends and experiences.  And in turn, I just left it behind me.  I tried to forget about it, and I focused on the good experiences…. I had wonderful friends in high school who shared my faith and liked to have fun, Indian parents who were strict but trusted me, and an amazing teacher/ class sponsor who welcomed me into his home for worship with his family, when I just dropped by on a Saturday night.  

When I think back to high school 20+ years later, I remember it as a fun time in my life, and as the time when I accepted the “GRACE” message that I had never been taught in my Adventist church at the time.  

  I continue to be an Adventist, although Adventistism to me (and thankfully many others) has morphed into a new grace-filled, honest version of being a Christian that enables me to have a better relationship with Christ and with others.  That’s the reputation that Christianity should have. 

“What would our church look like if we were known less for what we don't do, and known for who we love.”  Kumar Dixit on Facebook

The village - expanded

My village. As I was looking through pictures of Eli over the years, I was reminded of the many people who have participated in the parenting of our only son.  When we first found out we were having a boy, we were a little wary (neither of us being macho, athletically inclined people), but with the help of our friends and family, we’ve grown with him and are happy and proud to have him in our family. 

Many of you know that you are part of my village – you are my parents or blood relatives, you share holidays and birthdays with us, you hear my praises and/or complaints about parenting, school, moving to Canada, etc.. 

But there are others who I also consider part of the bringing up of my children: For Eli specifically – his village includes those of you held him when he was little (even for a minute when I was wrestling with 2 kids under 3), those of you who tossed a ball, shared sports facts with him, or coached him (even buying him jerseys and other paraphernalia), those of you in Sabbath school who listened to his jokes and stories about life in the Dixit home, and even those you classmates and old-coworkers who share great party ideas with me on pinterest.   In our new home country, it’s also those of you who greet him by name every day at school and every Sabbath at church (Eli loves being so popular), and my new friends (and old ones Rubyna Tatlock) who share parenting stories and prayers and give us Canadian advice and activities to try – You are part of my village and I thank you for joining me in raising our intelligent, funny, athletic, talented Eli!  We have a pretty good life and a really great son!

I may be sounding melancholy in the blogpost – my first in months.  But I just want to remind myself, and whoever reads this, that every kind interaction counts.