Hope

My life has been difficult at times and I shared last week that I was having a difficult time NOT stressing out. I thank you for your advice regarding self-care. (I’ve got a massage scheduled next week,  I’m trying to fit in trips to the gym 1-2x/week., and I’m googling therapists and support groups).   

Thank you to the beautiful women (inside and out) who sought me out in church yesterday and text messaged me with their words of hope.   Women are so amazing. I’m so glad to be a part of a gender that shares with each other.  I’m an introvert and I didn’t grow up with sisters, so sharing my thoughts, feelings, (and hugs- Reema!) do not come easy to me.   I just started truly sharing with my close friends(and some strangers) in the last 3 years (Hello 40!).  I will say that the best part of sharing my struggles with others is that others now feel comfortable sharing their struggles with me. I love that, because it helps me feel less isolated and it helps divert the focus from myself.  

The best way I can let go of my problems (no more wahwahwah) is to try to focus on what I can do for others.  I was sometimes left out as a child - (immigrant, nerd, brat), so now I try power those feelings into being a connector. I have lots of wonderful friends and a great support system.  I want that for everyone I meet.  I’m not the only one going through struggles.  We all have our struggles.  

Look on TV or Facebook and you'll see some pretty harsh situations.  Ask a friend or colleague how they are really doing, and you'll also hear some sad, sad stories.  In some cases, all I can do is pray.  In other cases, I can sit with my friends in silence (because I’m not sure words help when you’ve lost a loved one and I have no place giving advice to those going through divorce). But there other people around me with needs that I can fill. So I'm sharing some of these ideas with you, in hopes that we multiple the love and support that others need.   

Grassroots crisis intervention – Our church has been connected with the only homeless shelter in Howard county for a long time.  But I haven't had much personal involvement with it until this year, when I've a few students in need of their services.  Did you know they collect unused gift cards?  I often have a stash of Christmas gift cards that I'm not sure I'll really use.  I could go to the store and buy something random, or I could give them to someone who has nothing. 

Breelyn’s blanket brigade – Don’t watch the video on this facebook page unless you have tissues nearby.  This mama, who goes to our church, lost her precious daughter last year, and is giving back in a productive way. 

Red Shoe Shuffle – I haven’t run regularly in a while, but when I do run, I like running for a cause.  This one is for the Ronald McDonald House in Baltimore.  It’s just a 5K through Baltimore on April 2, 2017, and we can wear silly red and white striped socks.  If anyone is interested, maybe we can get together a team? 

If you’ve got any other local projects that I can throw myself into, please comment.  There are many of us wanting to do SOMETHING but we don’t know where to start.  

Poetry

I first entertained thoughts on God's gender when I took a required religion class at Loma Linda University, and the instructor told us that he always prayed "mother God."  He said God as a mother resonated with him and his upbringing as a child of a single mother.  I wasn't quite the feminist that I am now, so I didn't think much of it. I just figured it was an interesting concept that I didn't have much time for.  I was busy in grad school and although I enjoyed religious debate, I just wanted to pass the class without much thought. 
 But recently a friend of mine, who grew up in a nontraditional home, wrote this beautiful poem that expressed her need for God as mother.  It gave me chills.  I wanted to save it for myself and share it with my friends, so here it is.  



i dont want god the "Father"

i want god the "mother-i-never-had"

i dont want angry, ruthless war god

i want hold-me-while-I sob-in-the-dark god

i don't want kill-them-all-and-take-their-wives god

i want soft god, kiss-on-the-forehead god

i dont want dead-beat-daddy god

i want where-you-go-i-will-follow god

i want the moon at dawn in the gently haze 

not blaring sun in the blinding snow

i want god with the voice of maya angelou 

I don't want thunder-in-the-storm god

but  lata mangeshkar singing sweet ghazals 

i want,

i need,

have always needed

god who is female

la méré, maman, ma

Anjalica is a free spirit English honours and sociology student at UBC. She is a member of the Oakridge Adventist church in Vancouver. She is a frequent performer at local poetry slams and is the BEST BABYSITTER IN THE WORLD (because she always entertained my children and they thought of her as a big sister). She will always be a part of our extended family.